Thinking about having a PhD Baby (besides your dissertation)? As I wrap up seven months in the field with my little guy, here are some things I’ve learned along the way
- Be adaptable. As your baby grows, its needs are going to change and you are going to have to adapt to those needs. Just when you start to feel like you are getting the whole parenting thing down, your baby will learn how to crawl, or start teething, or decide that sleeping through the night is overrated and you will have to learn how to be a parent all over again. Be prepared to constantly re-organize your house, schedule and lifestyle.
- Timing is important. Referencing the above, babies have erratic and ever-changing schedules, so if possible, try to have your baby at a time when your schedule is flexible. For example, after you’ve finished your required coursework or when you are in the final stages of writing. I personally think having a baby in the field has been great, but it has required a lot of support from my husband and others in the community. Another side note on timing- at least for me, when Reed was younger, I was actually surprised how much I was able to get done. Babies sleep A LOT for the first few months and can’t move around on their own, so you don’t have to be as constantly vigilant as you do once they figure out how to roll and crawl. Of course it is important to bond with your baby during these super snuggly few months, but it can also be a great time to get some work done while you can.
- Manage your expectations. Don’t get married to self-imposed deadlines, as you will likely need to push them back. Babies take time and they won’t just put their temper tantrums or poopy diapers on hold while you finish up that one last task.
- Having a supportive partner is super helpful, especially if he/she has a flexible work schedule. You won’t be able to raise a child, do ALL the laundry, and finish your PhD alone. If your partner isn’t able to take on a big role in helping with childcare and housework, you should think about finding outside help.
- Don’t underestimate the amount of time you’ll spend feeding your baby. Breastfeeding takes a lot of time and if you are heading out to do fieldwork, you will either need to bring your baby with you, be prepared to pump in the field (and keep the milk chilled until you get back) or expect to only be away from home for 2-3 hours at a time.
- Say “yes” when people offer to help…. with anything. Holding the baby, walking your dog, making dinner, doing dishes. It really does take a village to raise a baby well, and given that most of us in westernized society have lost our “village”, work with what you got!
- Don’t forget to sleep when you can. You will be much happier and more productive if you aren’t completely sleep deprived, so if your baby is napping and you feel the urge to do the same, just do it.
- When things get challenging, talk about it. A lot of people out there have kids and have gone through the same challenges. Don’t feel like you need to just suck it up to prove that you can make it in academia. Advisers and collaborators should understand the importance of having a work/life balance and may even have some words of wisdom to share (or at least some sympathy for the challenges of transitioning into parenthood)
- Keep a sense of humor. You are going to get puked on, peed on and will likely discover that poop fountains are a thing. Sometimes babies scream until they make themselves sweat for no apparent reason. If you can keep yourself from taking things too seriously you will be less stressed. Because let’s face it, poop fountains are gross, but they are also at least a little bit funny.
All this being said, having a baby during a PhD can be a great experience, especially if they can come along for field work! Babies are a great way to connect with people across cultural and linguistic divides. During my interviews, I found that some people actually opened up to me more when Reed was around. I think he helped break down the facade of me being a researcher from the ivory tower and made me seem more human and relate-able. Babies are also great at gently (or not so gently) reminding you to slow down and take a moment to smell the flowers, explore the universe unfolding in a patch of soil and make silly faces.
And really, all of these recommendations (besides the bit about breastfeeding) should apply to anyone that’s going through grad school, it’s just easier to ignore when it’s only your own health and sanity that’s on the line. So if you’re still thinking about a baby after considering all of the above, my final piece of advice is to go for it!
